Suicidal Happiness

I wanna talk a bit about the happiness that comes with rational suicidal thoughts without depression. There’s a lot to be said about how suicidal ideation isn’t only sadness; it’s desperation. I can talk as the expert on this subject surviving 55 attempts.

When you’re ready to do it, your life is finally going to end, you get a sense of happiness that it’ll finally be over. if someone is major warning signs of depression or suicidal thoughts in general, and suddenly they’re very happy and positive and “want to achieve their dreams” (which is death) that’s the warning sign that they’re about to do it, and this is when they need to be shown the most kindness.

Then there’s the happiness that comes with failing or undoing your attempt. The non-stop thoughts of how you’re going to do it stop, and you get happiness from the thoughts stopping. I’ve never been depressed when they Baker Act me because i’m not a threat to myself after i fail.

Whoah…

Whoah…!

My ADHD meds just kicked in, I’m unstoppable, I’ll write whatever the duck i want. So let me tell you a story: one time I was about to stab myself in the neck, but i went outside to take a smoke break and there were baby caterpillars and I stayed up all night trying to save them, but they were this exotic species that’s rare to this area and i had to stay up all night until Home Depot opened to get them food, then i couldn’t cage them properly and they died in the 1st instar. The happiness I got from trying to save the caterpillars that gave me a reason to hold on a few more days kept me going.

But to answer the question literally: I’m the most happy when i’m manic, and yes it’s distressing to be that happy, I wouldn’t recommend. I’m not bipolar, my doctor says i don’t get mania often enough for it to be considered cycling.