The Cat Hallucination

I wanna talk a bit about a hallucination i’ve been having almost every night for the past 4 days. Today is an exception because i’m on a lot of kava and that quiets the voices. So i had this cat named Kalei who had kittens in our backyard that I had to foster and train outside. After the kittens got adopted out the momma kept coming and I’d feed her. Well one day she was stomped to death. I was so furious that they wanted to throw her in the trash I almost took a girl’s eye out with a lit cigar. She eventually got buried but it was traumatizing.

Traumatizing enough for the cat the appear in my head. Nothing unusual there. Until recently when I started hallucinating that I’m the cat. Now, this was an outdoor cat, and the logic in my head is outside is dangerous because demons roam our farm. The hallucination starts with me being kicked repeatedly by demons, and as a cat I can’t just call to be rescued so I have to frantically meow for help until someone hears me and rescues me.

It’s kind of like the beatings I’d get in my normal persecutor hallucinations; in real life I feel pain and lose the ability to move without pain. It hurts… And I start crying because i’m being kicked. Eventually Lillian rescued me the first night; held me and got me fresh filtered water. Then I hid under the furniture for a bit, in real life putting a blanket over my head, only coming out to get my filtered water.

The next night it happened again and I start meowing again frantically until Fran saves me this time. I was shaking and crying. Again i was given filtered water to hydrate during this. The next day I took a second dose of my antipsychotics 12 hours before my usual dose so it hopefully doesn’t happen again. Well it happened again.

This time I hid in the bushes hiding from the demon until I had a chance to make a run for the door where I could claw at it and meow frantically. The demon caught up but only kicked me once before I was let inside. Mind over mind, I overcame the hallucination through sheer control over my own imagination.

The next night I was already inside. I figure it’s my imagination, I know Kalei is an outside cat, but what’s stopping me from keeping her inside? The hallucination ended very shortly after.

Normally if someone is attacked by demons they can radio for help telepathically, and get rescued rather fast. As a cat I don’t have this power. I think my brain is doing this to me because i’m overcoming the persecution through sheer will. And i’ll overcome it again. Kalei is an inside cat from now on if I have any say in the matter.