On doing what the voices say

Let me preface this by saying I have DID, not schizophrenia, when I say “voices” most doctors won’t agree that what i’m experiencing is a hallucination, but i use the language anyway because that’s what i’m used to calling them trying to explain what’s going on when i’m being tormented curled up flinching. The problem with my version of “voices” is mine are real; they’re as real as you thinking to yourself “Bazinga” as your eyes or screen reader reads that bold word. The voices are me. They’re my egos, i just have internal dialogue instead of internal monologue and when it’s coming from outside of who is currently using the body I call it a “voice.”

Life with DID these past 2 days. We had our plebian caste personalities held hostage by martians on the moon, in our own home, can you believe it? They demanded pizza, and wouldn’t take the knife away from their throats until we cooked a pizza, which by the way we had to ask for money for. Bitches need to stick to Gangsta Romeo and Juliette the musicial theatre performances rather than being an alert that we’re becoming malnourished. But do you see how giving into their demands helps the body recover from malnutrition?

This morning holly sshite Keith wouldn’t stop drinking caffeine. It was hurting our heart damage. The headmate who I call “Pepper” in my book decided today he wants to go by that name in our head, cool, you still gonna wear a dress, girly boi? Well he choked Keith out until he spasmed like 3 times, then took full control of the body and threw the caffeine in the dumpster, along with the drink Keith tried to chug before getting choked out with water in his throat.

But guess what? We feel better now. Keith wasn’t hydrating so Pepper said “You’re going to drink cucumber limeade and you’re going to like it” and Keith complied. But guess what? We feel better now.

We got so mad at this post on Bluesky we needed to exercise it off. So Salrah (yes, that’s how she spells her name, you can tell who pays attention by who says Sarrah and who says Salrah) well, she decides to start running! Now, we haven’t ran in like 4 years, and we needed mobility aids, like a $150 exercise sports crutches to run. This was remarkable to me! My DID is a blessing, it’s the PTSD that makes it terrifying, the negative scary things are just my brain trying to self-defend, and that’s OKAY.